So I was having this fully spaced out dream tonight. I was sitting on a table, kind of waiting for lunch. It was in the dinig room of the house where I grew up, the table was big since we were a family of 6 kids. I remember my sister sitting to the right of me and – as if it was the most normal thing in the world – on my left I found Erwin Pröll sitting. I am still not sure if it was him, it could have been another old, white man (he was kind of fat) from the conservative spectrum who is rather active in public but I will call him Erwin because in my dream I thought it was him. To my right, a little further, in a distance where I didn’t have to raise my voice to reach her, Mikl-Leitner was sitting and around the corner to her right there was H.C. Strache. We were kind of waiting together for my mum to bring lunch and we were all into our own things. I was dicussing some politics with my sister. Erwin was somehow eager to find things to eat on the table, he seemed a little nervous. Johanna was knitting whilst reading a newspaper that I couldn’t identify and Heinz was – and it felt very strange – grinning, with a overproportional big smile, looking to his right, looking to his left, looking around. Grinning at things. It felt to me like a maniac.
The discussion between my sister and me went on and at some point – I don’t remember the words correctly – I was going like: “And when ther starts a nother world war I will blame you”, pointing at Johanna, “because of our superstupid actions and you “, pointing at Heinz, “because of your faschist politics. You are creating an environment that is exactly the same as the one between 1895 and 1914!”. “What?! But that’s not true!” Johanna instantly replied but to me it sounded – and in my dream I knew – like it was referring to the ‘superstupid’ only. She tried to start another sentence but then she looked down and startet to excessively read that newspaper and knit that whatever it was she was knitting. I told her that this defiance when making a mistake was exactly what was the problem in her actions and that it was not a problem to make a mistake if you can deal with the consequences. Heinz also replied to my accusation: “No, that is not true, you are totally wrong!” and continued grinning – only after a strange look to his crotch, I could see that there was no smile anymore until he looked up again. It felt as if deep inside he would know what he was doing to this world but the pain that he felt over it had already killed all the empathy in his soul and he was only able to continue his rush and attacks against the foreign.
As I turned to Erwin who was suddenly sitting 2 seats further away from me, he started to defend his … friends? Still the atmosphere was as if I was sitting with my simblings on the table, no hierachies, no authority, no security. Just people that somehow know each other talking – or not in case of Heinz. Well, Erwin was – and I feel pity for not remembering his statements – stating something that was absolutely wrong. I spoke to the table in my best politician voice and rethorics and showed them clearly where he was wrong. He tried with another statement and I had to repeat the same procedure again. As he started with a new thing I just said “Hey, you’re keeping it up to pull bullshit out of your mouth? I disproved you twice – clearly – and you want to come again with some made up politician shit? This is real, your colorful arguments will not stop this process that you started all together!” He was silent. Johanna was silent – knitting and reading. Heinz was silent, not grinning anymore but looking around in a rather anxious, nervous way. Everybody but Erwin who had come to sit again directly next to me faded away in my dream. And Erwin started to whisper towards me: “I am sorry. I know that I am doing wrong, but …” And as he wanted to justify his actions I interrupted him loudly, so that everybody could hear me: “It is fine. I accept your pardon. That is a good thing, but we do not have to discuss it now. Be quiet and try to figure out what it means to say that you are sorry!” Everybody was looking in my direction as I said that. I continued: “Look Erwin, Johanna there and over there Heinz… they don’t say they are sorry. They are somehow not capeable of that. Be glad for what you know now.”
This is where my memory of the dream is fading away. But the feeling that was left was weird! these persons, politicians, were so real, sitting at our homes table as if they were doing it every day. And I accepted them as people, with their flaws as I would with my simblings that I know very well. I knew that they were doing wrong and I told them in a way I would do with very close friends: In a direct way. And after I woke up I was left with the feeling that they had all understood. Somehow it went down into their heart but their position or the personal traits they had built up by creating and defending their destructive process denied them acces to an area of emotions and empathy that others still have. To me this was clearly a sign, that persons like the ones in my dream should not be there deciding over other peoples destiny and lives.
Please, Johanna, Heinz and Erwin, resign and go live a peaceful life somewhere. Look at you, what you are doing is destroying you. There is a big and beautiful world out there that you are missing.